So much has happened in the last month for me. Not only physical life changes, but also spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. I have made big life changes, and this season of life has me more excited than ever for each day and for my future. I have so many hopes and dreams and goals and aspirations, and while I know many of them won’t happen, I want to always live as if anything can happen.
Let me start off by saying I have loved life the last few months. I have had many rough days and even rougher weeks, but I am so thankful for God and Nathan to help me get through all the bad and all the good. Working as an oncology nurse is hard. As in you are doing everything you can to help someone through the hardest time in their life. And sometimes they see you as Saint. And sometimes they do not want your help. They will yell at you. They will talk down to you. They will tell you that you are a horrible nurse. I found myself pulled in every different direction while working and having my own troublesome past with cancer did not help the matter. During this season, and especially not only from my career but also from my time schedule, literally never seeing my husband, missing my family, and just feeling all kinds of doubts, fears, and loneliness. I found myself in a rough place. I was stressed, exhausted, and in desperate need of a change. My husband would find me crying before heading into work or me literally sleeping 15-16 hours after most of my shifts. I felt like I was barely living through life and just trying to keep from drowning.
And let me say my husband, Nathan, is my best friend. He encourages me and has more confidence in me than I could ever have in myself. He talks of dreams with me and is my confidante, my supporter, and we always make any decisions concerning our lives together. We had been talking about me leaving nursing and pursuing some other dreams for many, many months. Nursing was never a long-term job for me (something I do for 10+ years), mostly because once I have kids I want to be able to stay home them. While nursing is one of the most humbling, rewarding jobs in the world, it was not worth it in this moment at the expense of my health (physical, emotional, mental) or of my happiness.
And while this season has been rough, as in some of the worst days/nights of my life and literally not seeing Nathan for more than 3 days at a time for the first 6 months of my marriage, and then only spending my first full week with him since after our honeymoon (seeing him for even very short periods of time every day) just a couple of weeks ago. I have learned and grown so much. I have learned humility and grace and selflessness and compassion. I truly believe God wanted me to go through all of this, that I had to take the path I did, so I could get here to where I am today, to the person I am today, and now take a leap of faith and follow Him on an adventure.
I am so excited to officially announce that I am taking a break from nursing (at least for now) and gain time to rest, recover, and see what the future holds. I will continue to keep up my license, and I will always have the opportunity to go back into nursing at any point if I am ready. I had an opportunity come up to work for a company here in Atlanta as a social media manager and helping out with their email newsletters and blog (was 1 of like 400 applicants so if that is not a God thing, I don’t know what is)! Literally all these I find a lot of joy and love in at this time in my life. I am pursuing some other freelance options, and still trying to figure out what exactly I want to do each day and how I want to spend my time (writer, photographer, Disney vacation planner, blogger?). This job allows me more flexibility in my schedule to where I can see Nathan when he is home and be able to cook and clean for us while not being exhausted all the time. I work a couple hours each day during the week, and I have all my weekends back now. I now have the mental capacity and energy to work out, eat healthier, and be more present with each day. I fully plan on keeping all options open as the future is to come, but I want to always create a life I love. To continuously purse things that I love, things that bring me joy, and things that bring me life. I find myself with each day wanting to express myself more on a creative level and constantly coming up with more ideas and things I want to do and create.
Looking to the future, I hope to one day here have this blog be a full time thing (isn’t that crazy that you actually make a living writing and sharing photos and all the things you love?!). And I hope to invest a lot more into this blog in the upcoming months. I want to post more, dream more, create more, and engage more with this blog. And then, ultimately, Nathan and I have hopes to one day still open up a coffee shop, a dream that literally is talked about in our apartment almost every day. We want to share with everyone how good coffee can be and just create a community and family around this little coffee shop we hope to create. We have been talking about moving here soon (as in we don’t fully know a timeline, but with the right timing, we are so ready for it–maybe even moving to Florida?!) and hopes to settle down in a community we love and want to call home (many vacations coming in the future to search for places we love).
This past month of making big decisions and trying to decide what I’m willing to sacrifice and what I find myself chasing after, I just feel so content and fulfilled right where I am. God has been working in my heart, calming a lot of anxiety and combating any depression that has building in me. I love this season of full trust in God, of taking risks and investing in passions, and of building memories and foundations that will last a lifetime. I have no idea where I will go next (more social media managing? blogger? photographer? writer? nurse taking care of sweet babies? vacation planner?), and I love that I don’t have to have it all figured out. God is making a path for me, and I am just following where he leads me.
I know where my heart lies and what I want to focus on–building a life-giving marriage, constantly creating and dreaming, focusing on family and friends, spending all the time I can with God, making healthy decisions through the food I eat and exercising, and just loving others the best I can. The past couple weeks have been rough because I just do not know how to tell everyone around me about these changes, and I do not know how everyone will receive them. But I am just so much healthier, happier, and alive than I have been in a long time. I am so excited to see where life takes me, and I am just so grateful I am in the position to choose to do something I enjoy and so grateful for the endless support I have in my husband. Here’s to creating a life I love!